According to the ancient Chinese divination system, the I Ching, the entire universe is comprised of eight primary forces of nature called trigrams, which interact and create the flows of change within our lives. These forces are known as Power, Openness, Energy, Gentleness, Flow, Clarity, Stillness and Expression. Using this ancient wisdom we can explore how these primal forces are at work within ourselves and the world around us.

As relationships form a large part of where our personal growth takes place, it is very powerful to use these eight energies to help us understand how we relate to ourselves and others. Join us as we explore the eight forces in relationships and learn to master these energies in our own lives.

The first force, the one many of us struggle with the most, is called Power. In the I Ching this is referred to as The Creative and it is the primal creator energy, associated with the element of Heaven. It is father, male, yang energy that allows us to take action, be creative and move forward with confidence. In relationships it relates to our ability to work positively with our own personal power, and work as a team to create unified goals and a common vision. Power is an energy we can call upon when our relationships are at the end of a phase and a creative spark is needed to push them into the new. It also teaches us how to be courageous, especially when we are looking to find a relationship and are going through the sometimes frustrating process of dating. Power helps us to believe in our vision and to energise it with clear, principled action.

Power issues are often a challenge within our relationships. On one hand perhaps we struggle to step into our power. We are afraid of it and have learnt about all the negative associations that it brings. Our conditioning has perhaps taught us that if we assert ourselves we are seen as brash, demanding, arrogant and ‘full of ourselves’. When we feel hurt or unheard in a relationship we may therefore avoid confrontation and not speak our truth. This tends to make us feel even more disempowered in the relationship we are in. If you have worked with the Drama Triangle this would be called The Victim position. By being the victim and not getting our needs met, we will continue to experience unsatisfying relationships and the lack of intimacy that is essential for a successful relationship. As a victim, we will also tend to attract Persecutors, who take our power away, or Rescuers, who try to save us from ourselves. Either way, this negative game is something we need to overcome.

Just as we could experience under-expressed power in a relationship, we could also over-express power to a loved one. This is where we become the persecutor, taking power away from another. The manipulation of others, which is often subtle, is one example of this. Deriding, belittling and sarcastic comments about our partners in front of others is another. This type of behaviour is often cloaked in so-called ‘jesting’, but beneath its seemingly innocent front is a very dangerous underbelly. Abuse, be it physical, emotional or mental, would fall into this category of excessive expression of power. If you are the victim of this yourself, be very careful that you are not taking others’ power away in some other area of your life.

Creativity, a very important energiser in relationships, is another aspect of Power. You could think of creativity as being that vital spark that shakes up habits and routine, through moments of spontaneous and creative expression. Unplanned, romantic dinners and surprise weekends away are some options. You could even paint a joint canvas, create a family dream board, or go on a cooking course together. If you feel that finance is a restriction, look for inexpensive ways of doing something different. You are only limited by your imagination. As soon as you feel stuck or blocked in your relationships, use the energy of Power to energise your creativity and relationship.

In looking at your own use of power and creativity in your relationships, reflect on the following questions:

• How do I use my power in relationships?
• What is my perception of what ‘being in my own power’ means?
• Do I avoid conflict, swallowing what I really want to say in those difficult moments?
• Do I find that I struggle to get my needs met in a relationship?
• In what areas of my relationship could I step more into my power?
• Where do I feel disempowered in relating to others?
• Where do I try to manipulate and control others?
• Do I put down my mate in front of others, even though I say I am teasing?
• How can I be more creative in the way I build intimacy with my partner?
• What is the shared goal and vision of the future that we have as a family?
• Where do I rescue others, even though I believe this means that I love them?
• How can I help those I love to step into their power?

Now that you have a clearer picture of the ways you use your power in relationships, how about working with a few affirmations to help balance your power? Some useful examples are:

• I embrace my own power, recognising my value as a human being.
• My own balanced power allows others to be in their power.
• I think, speak and live my truth every day.
• I release all fear of stepping into the new and unknown.
• I constantly strive to empower others.
• I energise my relationship(s) with creative and inspired action.
• I am vulnerable and intimate with those I love.

You can also work with the colour red to help you as it is the colour of energy, vitality and power. It has the ability to balance the power in your own life and in situations around you. Visualise red fiery flames pulsating through you. Take a few deep breaths of red energy. You can even wear more red, even if it is just in your sexy underwear. Most importantly, have fun stepping into your balanced power and being the greatest you can be in this lifetime. Release your fear of not being good enough. Rather focus on how you can best become a happy and fulfilled co-creator of your life.
In our next instalment we will explore the second force of nature, called The Receptive in the I Ching. This energy represents openness, nurturing and support. We will discover how you can bring this warm and nurturing energy into your relationships.

Belinda Doveston is the co-founder and managing director of MetaVarsity, a college of metaphysics focused on using practical, outcomes-based education to help you develop personal mastery in the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of your life. An inspiring personal mastery learning programme is now also available for business training.

For more information contact +27-21-426-4538, email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , or go to www.metavarsity.com.